Someone who wants to write just for the hell of seeing his thoughts

Ash and Sand

I remember the lifeguard tower 

It was beaten by a combination of sun and neglect

Some of the paint was chipping away

Still a beautiful color though

Light turquoise

I was waiting for you outside of the cafe

Luckily since it was outside they let me have a smoke 

I watched the waves crash in

It was barely noon and the sun was hitting the water

The light playing a concierto on the surface

Each little beam having a partner 

Each twirl a reflection hitting my eye

Crystal royal blue in the distance

Almost emerald green closer to the coast

It was pretty

I was drinking a black iced coffee

It was so dark the sun couldn't even pierce through it

I don't know why i got it

My body was already nervous to begin with

I could feel my heart pumping in my throat

Like a junkie needing a fix holding a stress ball

Making each swallow worst

“Well hey there stranger”

I heard a familiar yet strain voice

I turned to see you there smiling and waving

I smiled and got up to greet you

Since it was our first date  all we did was hug as you sat down

The server came out and got you an iced coffee as well

Yours was pretty much cream with a splash of bean juice as you put it

“Not a big coffee fan im guessing?”

“It's too bitter, which doesn't surprise me why you have no cream in yours”

I smiled and giggled

“Ouch…... ok”

You winked as you drank

You had such long black hair

Candy pink lipstick

Coke bottle curves

Your eyes like brown planets

Their gaze drew me in with their weight alone

A canary yellow top and paper white pants

You asked for one of my smokes since you left your pack in the car

But you had your light with you

It was one of those rainbow metal zippos

The light made the colors even more vibrant

We talked and talked

I didn't notice five minutes become ten

Ten become twenty

Twenty becoming an hour

An hour becoming two

Normally I end up chain smoking when I go out with people

With you though i only had two

Our conversation kept my mind too busy to be scared

We talked about your day

Your family

Your dog and how she was the love of your life

A chihuahua mix with a busted leg

Weirdly how you hate jack black films

To this day I don't know why

Eventually you smirked and said

“You know he is going to be pissed at both of us”

I smirked and took one big drag

Our fingertips touching each others

“Yeah…..he really didn't want us getting close at all”

I placed my hand on yours

“Im ok with doing this. Are you?”

I looked down

I sighed 

Than i looked into your eyes

“I like your company too much”

You moved your hair out of your face

You looked down with a smile and a blush

You would tell me later you loved

And hated 

How I could say things that made you red

What you never knew was with each time I said something 

I had to fight back my pulse

I put out my smoke

“Let's go watch the waves”

You smiled and nodded

That smile still makes my chest heavy

We headed to the beach

The sky now was all shades of purple and pink

With the clouds it looked like a giant display of cotton candy

Our fingers were interlocked

My thumb kept rubbing yours

Almost as a way to calm your nerves

Or more realistically calm mine

We had taken off our shoes

Cold

The sand lost all of its heat

It felt refreshing

As we walked your right foot clipped my left

I fell hard 

Face first

You laughed and apologized as I wiped the beach off my mouth

Your brushed some of the debris off of my chest and shoulders

You gave me a light kiss as well

It was sudden

It was sweet

I started feeling dreamlike

We sat down on the edge where the jade water became foam

You asked for one last one

I gave you a cigarette but pulled you a little bit in

A little bite on your ear

Your face became crimson

We lit our smokes 

You laid your head on my shoulder

We watched as the edge of the sky turned from gold 

To orange 

To rose

To violet

Until eventually the light left

Dark cobalt sky

We put out our smokes

We turned to each other 

Our lips met

I knew i ended a friendship

He would never trust me

Years of laughter

Of poking at each other

Of us being there

Gone

But i felt like i gained something better

I could feel the night stars in my head

In my eyes as they were closed

We laid back into the sand

You straddled me as we made out

I felt my hands go for your shirt

Then we remembered we weren't that far from the coffee shop

The lights turned on

We made eye contact and laughed 

You ended up just resting on me for the rest of the night

Thirteen from Big Star played on my phone as we just laid there

I think back to our first date

Some days you had glasses

Some days your hair was one of many colors

Was it a yellow top and white jeans

Or a white top with yellow jeans

Did we meet in the day till the sun drop

Or did it feel like time just became irrelevant with you

Right now though im just sitting outside the same cafe

He still hates my guts

I haven't heard from you in awhile

But as I sip this coffee I can still taste that day

Ash and Sand



Fishnet Leggings

Guilt