Someone who wants to write just for the hell of seeing his thoughts

In this moment

She is laying right on to me


Not a word

I can hear the tiny engine though starting up in her chest

She looks so peaceful there

Her long brown curly hair masking her face

Her thigh is resting in between my legs

I can feel her weight

I feel her mass

And every little memory we have shared

And laughed

And loved

And cried over

I can feel it all on me

I take in the slight heat of her body on mine

It's like another blanket I didn't ask for

But I'm glad someone gave it to me

This is nice

Yet I am also looking at words coming from this tiny light

Words so sweet and kind

Words filled with want and desire

"Hey there handsome, was thinking of you today :)"

"I know shes there but I thought id send you a little something ;P"

A picture follows suit and it's damning

Makes my face feel hot and on fire

Like I had been out all day and finally realized the sunburn

A slight pain if it gets touched

Beads of sweat forming

I know better

I know I have to live with this

I know my parents raised me to be honest

To be kind and sweet

To not do this to someone

To not be this kind of guy

I am supposed to be nice

I am supposed to be responsible

I am supposed to be a good guy

But in this moment

I am reckless

I am not here

I am not a role model

I am not a son, a brother, or a friend

I am alive

In a way that comes with guilt

That I can't ignore

For in this moment I am not me

But rather I am myself


With these words

This picture

And a desire so strong that I am willing to give in


And deeply ashamed

Almost as if I'm lying in bed naked and exposed

But still here

I am still here

And for once in my life

Really wishing I wasn't

Family Man

When I Wake Up