Someone who wants to write just for the hell of seeing his thoughts

When I Wake Up

Sometimes I wake up

And I see her there

Black hair and tiny body

She always slept mostly naked so I would see her big breasts and tattoos

I remember smiles and morning breath

I see that ring on her hand and the piercing in the nose

I kiss her good morning

And I want her to know I am going to be home later

Than I turn and I see her there

Tall and thin and a little awkward

Tiny breasts and a cute smile with big eyes

She wants to watch something on MTV later when we get home

I give her a kiss on her naturally tan skin

I go to the restroom and open up the medicine cabinet

When I close it I see her in the reflection

Short and curvy, stretch marks on her legs

She acts out Adventure Time scenes with me as I brush me teeth

It makes me giggle

Her skin is as dark as mahogany and she has green hair

Always smelling of cocoa butter

I turn on the shower and she is in there with blond straight hair and a curvy body

We lay are hands on each other as we shower and enjoy the moment

With her blonde hair and freckles

We get out of the shower and I put on a collared shirt and pants

I want to look good for later

I get in my car and light a smoke

I then turn to her

Red hair and fair skin

I light hers

So beautiful it hurts my eyes and soul

We laugh and smile and hold hands

I run my hand through her short hair

She turns her head and nustles with it

Her eyes meeting mine

“I love you”

She says this with a smile and with genuine glee

I can feel my emotions coming to the surface of my eyes
“I love you too, so much that it hurts, so much that i want nothing but for us to exist. So much so that i wish you were always here, and that i could have done with you what i end up doing with everyone else. You are in my head more than anyone else and anyone else will ever be. I can't forget thirteen years of my life wanting more than to be with you, and feeling almost the shame of knowing i can't be with you and take care of you like i wanted to. I wanted your body and your soul and nothing more. God you made me laugh and you made me feel loved and i can’t be upset cause i thought i wanted more when in reality i just wanted for you to cry with me as much as i cried by myself. Hell you are the reason why i text the way i do, you forced my communication to be so different. After not being with you it was so hard to imagine having kids with anyone else. I even thought of just moving to your state just to be with you. Or hell even you living with me, but more so I was willing to sacrifice it all for you. If given a second chance I know what I would have done differently, I know I would have been more open with you, I know I wouldn't have let the world dictate how i should have acted and felt comfortable being in a long distance relationship, with us doing our thing. I was so tired of being judged for being alone and now i have grown into it being my norm i know we could have lived a great life together. The way we would write to each other of what we would do to our bodies, how we would communicate through Skype and show each other our excitement, touching ourselves as we spoke about what we were gonna do, than afterwards just talking as we were laying in bed. I'm not going to lie. You gave me my most intense orgasm, and this was just with your moans on the phone. You made me a perv in a way and for that I will always have you in my heart. But goddamn more than that you made me laugh, and you made me laugh hard. Laugh in a way that makes me forget that I was even there and that we existed. Your name alone is always going to remind me of love and good times, and you have definitely ruined a Police song for me. I don't think I could write enough to show you how much you meant to me. Thank you cutie. I love you”

I park the car on the street

I go up to the door

And there i see her

“You look beautiful today love”

I kiss her with her blonde hair and tattoos

We get into the car and leave on our date

Today I am taking her to the movies

She looks so gorgeous

God she is weird too

It makes me smile as I smell her clove cigarette

Every morning i wake up with my exes in my soul

I wonder if I’ll ever not wake up with them

Or if the list will continue to grow

In this moment