Someone who wants to write just for the hell of seeing his thoughts

Things I should have said Vol. I

“No I'm just…... I'm too tired to go out. Why do you always want to go out? How come you never just meet me halfway on going out, we do this one thing and than we do my thing. Or you know give me like thirty just to do nothing. I need that nothing”

“Literally i asked you to do just one thing, save. Don't spend. Just save. You decided to do the literal opposite of that one thing and now i have to pay further to fix a Simple. Fucking. Problem. Not only that but literally it's a constant pouring out of my money to further cover up the no money that is occurring thanks to booze.”

“Its like every little thing you do makes me resent you more and i don't like that, why can't we just work? You used to make me smile so much and now i have nothing but tension in my jaw, like a bear trap trying to pulled apart”

“Every day is just me cleaning up after a mess that makes no sense surrounded by nothing that ever gets used in a place that nobody wants to be, what the fuck kind of existence is this?”

“Fuck you……….just go fuck yourself”

“No its fine, I’ll be here. Waiting. You know like i normally do because that's what i am here for, a ride or a resource and not a person that wants company. Please go out and have fun. I'll just be here. Waiting. I am nothing but your automaton”

“Of course I’m pissed at you, you told me literally i am a disappointment and something you regret. How is that something i’m gonna get over? And how are you not apologizing? I don't care if there was drinks involved……....you know damn well what you meant.”

“I'm sorry”

“Its Sunday, i have class tomorrow, and yet i have to carry you to bed. That's good parenting”

“How come you never just call me, just to say hi?”

“Do you think i like being stressed out constantly? I can't sleep without my teeth grinding, i can feel my molars chipping. I should just hand you the bat so we can make it easier, take a swing. Hopefully each one will get knocked out.”

“Honestly there are just some days i wish i never met you. I dream of things i could have done instead. Like maybe sleep for once or maybe hear a thought in my head that isn’t filled with why why why why why why why why wh-”

“No cause god forbid you are ever fucking wrong. It's simple just admit you fucked up. I do it with you and for some odd reason it's like pulling nails just to get you to admit a possibility of a mistake.  My apologies your highness”

“Why are you so mad? Like all the time i cant even be around you without stepping on eggshells. You are family, my blood. And yet a moment with you is a moment of nothing but tension. Almost a constant diffusing of anger. How do you not see the stress this causes everyone else? How do you not see the animosity and contention in other people's eyes? How are you not constantly always realizing the distance you place on others with your rage? Than the drinking combined with your fists you might as well just say you don't want to see any of us. Just be the person i once loved and laughed with. Or at least do the kindness of sobering up”

“Please i know you said tonight you are tired but can you just stay with me. I'm too scared to be alone tonight. I don't see a night ending with peaceful sleep. I don't even know if I will lay in bed. I don't know what my night will be like. PLEEEAAAASE!!!!!!!........ Just lay with me”


Alone with you

Roller Coaster